Ladies' Night
by Coopereid
Summary: One-shot. Garcia finally convinces Spencer to join her, Emily, and JJ on their ladies' night at the bar. An admiring stranger sends Spencer a few drinks, but they later find out he's no stranger at all.


Spencer sat at his desk, avoiding the blinking light on his phone accompanied with Garcia's name on the caller ID.

"Are you ever going to answer that?" Emily asked, setting her pen down and looking over at him. "That's easily the tenth time today she's tried to call you."

He shook his head. "I know exactly how the conversation is going to play out, and I'd rather not deal with it."

She leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms. "Oh?"

He sighed. "'Hey, 187, we've got our own little ladies night outing at the bar tomorrow night, and I wanted to know if you wanted to tag along.' To which I would reply 'Garcia, I'm not a lady, therefore I'm not welcome on your ladies night.' 'Okay, we'll rename it. It'll be ladies and gay-dies night, that way you can have your fun, and we'll have ours.' 'I appreciate the gesture, but I don't go out to bars.' 'Come on, Boy Wonder, I know you have it in you to drink us all under the table.' 'Trust me, I don't.' 'Please, junior g-man? I really just want you to have some fun for a change, and I don't count sitting in your apartment and reading all night fun, even if you do.' Then there's more guilt, and finally, I'd cave in and end up going, being completely miserable the entire time."

Emily raised an eyebrow, impressed. "You really are far too good at your job."

He exhaled, running his hand through his hair. "Tell me about it." He picked up another case file, scanning it.

A while later, Garcia walked into the bullpen, leaning against his desk.

"Yes, Garcia?" he asked, not looking up from his work.

She crossed her arms. "Why aren't you answering my phone calls?"

"Because my answer is still going to be 'no'. I really don't appreciate the stereotype that homosexual men enjoy going to bars with women and having random hook-ups with strangers."

She scoffed. "Then do tell me who Chance is."

He paused, blushing slightly. "He was and still is absolutely none of your business."

Emily smirked. "_Reid_ is one for casual hook-ups? Let me call the papers."

He shook his head. "Garcia, if I agree to go with you tomorrow night, will you stop digging into my personal life and finding the names of my acquaintances?"

She thought about it. "Fine, but you _have_ to come with us, and you _have_ to drink, and you _have_ to have fun."

"You can't force somebody to have fun, Garcia. That's not exactly possible."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine, but will you at least _try_ to enjoy yourself tomorrow?"

"I'll attempt, if that works for you."

"If that's all I'm going to get, then I'll take it. I expect you to be bringing a change of clothes to work tomorrow, because we're leaving from here. You can wear your mismatched socks, because I know that's your quirk, and I'll allow your glasses, but none of those boring librarian shoes or sweater vests."

"…How do I know what I wear will be Garcia approved?"

"If you'd like, I can come by your place after work and pick something out that works for you and is definitely something perfect to wear to the bar."

He looked at her. "_You're_ going to choose something for me to wear?"

"I'll run it by you first, but you can't wear something I don't approve of."

He groaned. "Fine. My apartment after work today."

* * *

At his apartment that night, he sat on his bed while Garcia dug through his closet.

"Purple seems to be your power color."

He raised an eyebrow. "My _what_?"

"The color that works best on you. Whenever you wear purple, you look smokin', 187."

He blushed with a slight smile. "Thank you?"

"You're ever so welcome." She hummed, thumbing through his clothes and pulling out a purple button-up. "This with rolled up sleeves," she started, setting it on the bed. "One of your infinite pairs of black slacks, any socks, and your chucks?"

"Fine."

She gasped, clapping her hands together. "Oh! And your glasses. Those would be _perfect_ with this outfit."

He reached in his nightstand, taking out the case and putting it into his satchel.

"And your hair? Go for that tousled boy band look."

"…Come again?"

She smirked. "Brush it up and muss it up." When she saw the confused look on his face, she shook her head. "I'll take care of the hair. You just worry about the outfit."

He nodded slightly. "Garcia-"

"If at any point you're completely miserable beyond miserable, I promise, I'll get you home."

He smiled appreciatively as she picked up her bag. "Thank you."

"My work here is done, my sweets." She leaned over, kissing his cheek. "Oh, and one more thing?"

"What is it?"

"Just so you know, I don't know anymore names of your little hook-ups. I only know Chance because you wouldn't stop talking about him for the two dates you went on right after I joined the team."

He shook his head. "I'll see you tomorrow, Garcia."

She gave him a thumbs up before she left, closing the door behind her.

* * *

The next day at work, JJ walked up to Spencer in the break room.

"What's this I hear about you joining us at the bar tonight?" she asked, leaning against the counter.

He sighed, pouring his coffee. "Garcia guilted me into it."

"Why, what does she have on you?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, and I don't even want to begin figuring it out."

She laughed as he poured the sugar into his cup. "When's the last time you were even _at_ a bar?"

He thought to himself. "Eight months, three weeks ago."

"Oh, yes, you are _definitely_ overdue."

"You're all going to enjoy this, aren't you? You're going to enjoy me being completely miserable and not enjoying myself."

"Only slightly."

He rolled his eyes, taking a sip of his coffee as she walked back to her desk.

Later on, he was in the men's room, pulling on his clothes for the bar.

_This is absolutely ridiculous. I'm not going to enjoy myself and I'm going to be bored out of my mind._

_Garcia wants you to do this, and she doesn't ask that much of you._

He sighed, rolling up his sleeves and checking his reflection in the mirror. When there was a knock on the door, he raised an eyebrow. "It's open?"

Garcia walked in, setting down her bag. "Well, well, 187. You clean up like a handsome little devil."

"…Thank you?"

She took out a hairbrush. "Now come here."

He walked over and she brushed through his hair, then started running her fingers through it.

"And the purpose of this is?" he asked, looking at her through his hair.

She smirked. "Making you look completely irresistible to any delicious man-candy that's going to be in the bar tonight, on the prowl for a delicious piece of genius."

His eyes widened. "Garcia, you are _not_ bringing me out to find someone for me to casually hook up with."

"Relax! I'm not, but seeing that look on your face was totally worth freaking you out." She patted his arm. "I'm just saying. If you look irresistible, that's less drinks you need to buy for yourself tonight."

"So you want me to rely on strange men to buy me drinks?"

"I want you to flaunt what your momma gave you." She saw him blush and smiled to herself. "You look _fine_, 187. There's nothing wrong with you."

He sighed. "You owe me."

"And I'm sure you'll come up with the perfect revenge." She picked up her bag, taking his hand and walking him out.

JJ whistled, looking him up and down. "_Damn_, Spence. I didn't know you had it in you."

Emily glanced at him, then over at Garcia. "Your doing, I presume?"

"Indeed! I dug through the depths of his closet to put together this number, and dare I say, it works for him."

"That it does." JJ saw his face and shook her head. "Can you at least look like you're open to this, Spence? Anyone who sees you is going to think we're holding you captive and call the cops."

He dug through his bag, taking out his glasses and putting them on. "I'll try." He then took out his phone and wallet, putting them in his pockets. "But that's all I can guarantee."

"And I had to promise him that if he was beyond miserable, I'd drive him home. So ladies, it is our job to show our Boy Wonder a good time tonight. I think I'm up for the challenge."

"Me too."

"Me three."

Spencer shook his head. "I'm not buying my first drink."

Emily held up her hand. "It's on me."

"And there's _no_ way you're getting me on any form of dance floor."

JJ eyed Garcia, who smirked. "We'll see how many drinks we can get in you, then you might change your mind."

He sighed, shaking his head. "Like I said, you _owe_ me."

"Yeah, yeah," she started, putting her hand on his back and pushing him out toward the elevators.

* * *

Emily walked over to the table with four similar drinks, setting them down.

"First round is on me, tonight." She picked up her own, holding it up. "To _finally_ getting Reid to join us on a trip to the bar."

Spencer shook his head, toasting her and taking a sip. "This is actually pretty good, what is it?"

JJ smirked. "Sex on the beach."

He coughed, wiping his mouth and putting his drink on the table. "Come again?"

Garcia laughed softly. "It's called a sex on the beach. Vodka, peach schnapps, cranberry juice, and orange juice."

He raised his eyebrows, impressed. "Did you know that cranberry juice contains phytochemicals, which can help prevent cardiovascular disease, as well as oxalate, which recent studies have shown can lower the risk of developing kidney stones?"

Emily raised an eyebrow. "No, but thank you for that wonderful biology lesson."

He took another sip. "So, Garcia, what exactly happens on your ladies night?"

She thought to herself. "Drinking, more drinking, complaining about anything and everything that pisses us off, more drinking, dancing, piling into a cab and sleeping over at Emily's."

He finished off his drink, setting down the empty glass. "This is either going to be extremely fun, or a disaster."

"Let's try to make it the former."

A while later, Garcia was in the middle of a full fledged rant about Kevin.

"And who is he to worry about who I'm dating or not dating? Um, hello, you dumped me because I didn't want to drop everything and marry you that very second. Why is he such a girl about this? We're over and you've dated like, umpteen people. But oh no, I talk to the hottie on the third floor about programming, and all of a sudden, it's World War 3 all up in here. Come on! Why is he so bothered by the fact that I was carrying on a conversation about coding? It's not like I was propositioning him for sex."

Spencer shook his head. "Relationships are way too complicated."

The bartender walked over, setting a drink in front of Spencer.

He raised an eyebrow. "How much do I owe you?"

She smiled. "Nothing, it's taken care of by the tall gentleman at the end of the bar."

He tried peeking around her to see him to hopefully thank him, but whoever it was had already left.

JJ smirked. "Well, well. Looks like Spence has himself an admirer."

He shrugged slightly. "I'm just saying, you three have short skirts and breasts in your favor, so if I'm the one getting free drinks? I'll consider it a very big victory."

Emily laughed. "Oh my god, I love sassy drunk Reid. We need to do this more often."

He sipped his drink. "Did any of you get a good look at 'tall gentleman at the end of the bar'?"

Garcia gasped. "Oh I wish. I'd like to lay eyes on whoever feels the need to buy my favorite Boy Wonder a drink. Keep looking as apparently irresistible as you are now and get another one from him. Maybe we can get a glance at Mr. Tall Gentleman and hopefully get you some company."

He rolled his eyes. "Garcia, I'm not looking for a hook-up tonight. I'm just out drinking with co-workers."

"Yeah, for now."

JJ spun around in her seat, looking around the bar.

"What are you doing?" Spencer asked.

She put up her hand. "I'm attempting to scope out Mr. Tall Gentleman from the bar who bought you a drink."

He finished his drink, setting it down. "I'm telling you, you're not going to find him. Based on my personal research, there are eighteen men here that match the extremely vague description of 'tall gentleman', going on the assumption she meant my height or higher."

"What's going on in that head, profiler?" Garcia asked, running a hand through his hair.

"Finding him and thanking him for the drink."

The bartender walked over, setting another drink in front of him.

"I stand corrected – _drinks_."

Garcia thought quickly and a light bulb went off in her head. "Can you send his secret admirer an appletini from him, on me?"

The bartender smiled sweetly. "Consider it done," she said, before walking away.

Spencer looked at Garcia, confused. "He's not a secret admirer, and why am I sending him an appletini?"

"Number one? He's sending you multiple drinks on a crowded night. There's somebody in this bar who only has eyes for you, whether you want to admit it or not. Number two? If we send him a drink, we can look for the guy holding said drink and bam, we've found him."

"…I'm impressed."

"It's not my first rodeo, cowboy."

They all enjoyed their drinks while scanning the bar area, looking for anyone drinking an appletini.

"Garcia, you do realize you sent the second most-liked drink by homosexual men to a homosexual man?"

She pouted. "Damn, I didn't consider that."

Spencer raised an eyebrow. "Second most-liked? What's the first?"

"You're drinking it," Emily said, finishing her own glass and getting up. "I need a refill. Jayje, PG?"

"Please," they both replied, looking around.

"Let's face it," Spencer started, "we're not going to find him. Let's just give up trying to find him and enjoy the night."

"Coming from the guy getting free drinks," JJ noted.

The bartender walked over, setting another drink in front of him. He smiled appreciatively, setting his empty glass on her tray.

JJ shook her head. "Somebody's _really_ got to like you, Spence."

"I guess," he said with a shrug, as Emily walked over with the rest of their drinks.

She scoffed. "God, _another_ one? That's five already tonight."

"What can I say? I'm attractive."

JJ bit down on her lip. "We _definitely_ need to do this more often. Drunk Spence is fantastic."

* * *

A while later, Garcia hit her hand on the table, which caused Spencer to jump.

"What?"

"This song – we _have_ to get on the floor."

"No way, PG, you are _not_ getting the great Doctor Reid on the dance floor, no matter what you try-"

"I'd love to," Spencer said, setting down his drink and getting up.

"Ha!" Garcia took Spencer's hand, dragging him out to the floor.

Emily shifted her seat closer to JJ's, to get a good look at the two of them. "This is either going to be insanely good, and Reid's going to show off some killer dance moves, or it's going to be extremely embarrassing for both of them."

"Either way? I _really_ hope Garcia can hack into the security cameras tomorrow so we can get another look at it. Derek is _never_ going to believe that we got Reid to a bar, let alone drinking like a madman, let alone willingly going on the dance floor and-" she paused, looking at the floor, "absolutely _killing_ it!"

Emily turned her head, gasping. "Oh, he is never missing out on a night out with us again!"

Garcia smiled, resting a hand on Spencer's shoulder. "_Where_ did you learn to move like that?"

"We've all got our little secrets." He looked around. "Bathrooms?"

She pointed to her left. "Down that hallway, third door down is the little man's room. Don't go too far – I expect another dance."

He gave her a thumbs up before turning away, taking off down the hallway.

She walked back to her seat, grabbing her drink and sipping it. "That boy can _move_."

"Tell me about it – not only could he move, but he was doing better than you."

"Where did Spence take off to anyway?"

She finished her drink, setting it down. "Bathroom. Five 'sex on the beach's and I'd be peeing my brains out too."

JJ smirked, checking her watch. "So, what do you say, another hour and we'll pile into a cab, go to Emily's for the night and watch some romantic comedies?"

Emily shrugged. "Sounds good to me. I've got four gallons of ice cream ready and waiting."

* * *

Garcia checked her phone, frowning. "187's been gone for twenty minutes."

JJ shrugged. "There's always a line for bathrooms here."

"Yeah, the girl's room. Because we travel in packs and take up all the space and take our sweet time doing our business and fixing our hair and makeup. The guys? They're in, they're out, they're done and on the dance floor again before we know it."

"He could be getting sick – five drinks and I'd be puking," Emily suggested.

Garcia thought about it, quickly shaking her head. "I don't really think so. I mean, from the looks of it, the only effect alcohol has on him is making him more entertaining. He'll probably have a killer hangover in the morning, but I don't see him as the type to get sick from drinking too much."

Emily sighed. "What, so you think he left?"

"I don't know, maybe? He's not out here with us, and I'm sure as hell not checking the little boy's room for him. If the ladies room is any indication? I don't want to see the inside."

JJ scanned the room again. "We could always split up, see if we can find him. Maybe he saw someone with a Star Trek shirt and immediately went into fanboy mode."

"Also could've happened with Doctor Who," Garcia added.

"Or anything foreign," Emily finished, picking up her bag and walking around.

Emily walked over to JJ. "Anything yet?"

She shook her head. "Nothing. I even went up to a few guys in comic book shirts and thought maybe they'd talked to him about something – big mistake. Apparently the rock on my finger means nothing to nerds, because they immediately tried chatting me up."

Emily bit down on her lip, smiling. "Oh, please tell me they had pick-up lines."

"Let's see, there was the great 'naturally, I select you!', which at first I thought was based on Pokemon, but oh no, it was the 'gradual, non-random process by which biological traits become either more or less common in population', which he was so quick to explain. And then there was 'our love would be like dividing by zero – you can't define it'."

Emily snorted slightly, attempting to hold back her laugh. "Forget Reid dancing. I want _that_ on video."

She rolled her eyes, walking around. "Spence isn't the type of person to take off on plans and bail. He'd come up to us, profusely apologizing that he had to leave, and say he'd do it another time."

"So, what, you think he's still here?"

"He's got to be. Garcia's bracing herself to check the men's bathrooms here, and I am _extremely_ glad she's doing the messy job for a change."

"Agreed."

JJ looked around. "He's not at the bar, he's not in the bathrooms based on Garcia's texts, he's not on the dance floor, and he's not discussing Captain America with the guy wearing a shirt with The Avengers on it. I am officially stumped. What about you, Emily?" When there was no answer, she raised an eyebrow, waving a hand in front of her face. "Emily?"

She snapped out of it, looking at JJ. "Hm?"

"I was just saying I have no clue where Spencer is. You?"

"Yeah, nothing."

"_What_ has you so distracted?"

She looked around. "Can you believe how much PDA is going on here tonight?"

JJ shrugged. "It's a Friday night and everyone's drunk, trying to forget about their work week. If Will was here, I hate to admit it, but I'd probably be the same."

"It just baffles me. There's desperate blonde girl who's practically screwing this guy's throat with her tongue," she started, pointing to one of the corners. "Then there's super horny slimeball who just scammed on this girl's best friend five minutes ago, and is now onto her."

JJ smiled, pointing. "What about them?"

"Oh, him? He's been going at it as long as we've been looking for-" she gasped, taking a few steps to get a better look and turning to JJ, whispering. "_That's Reid_."

JJ shook her head. "No, definitely not."

Emily grabbed her arm, pulling her over. "Oh?" She pointed. "Is that not his purple shirt with the rolled up sleeves?"

"…Yeah."

"And his black slacks?"

"_Anybody_ could be wearing that outfit though. What makes you think it's Spence?"

She put up her finger, pointing to the shoes. Sure enough, there was a lime green and a pink sock. "How many people are wearing _those_?"

"Do you think he met Mr. Tall Gentleman and is thanking him?" JJ whispered.

"That's one hell of a thank you. It's easily been 25 minutes."

"Can you get a good look at the other guy?"

Emily shook her head. "I can only see his face, and the guy's back. It doesn't help that the lighting sucks. So, do we interrupt, or do we wait for one of them to take an oxygen break?"

"Let's go with the latter. Drink on me?"

"Sounds great."

JJ and Emily took a seat not far from Spencer and Garcia walked over, sighing. "I officially give up. White flag waving, I have no idea where Boy Wonder could be."

"Oh, we do," JJ said, smirking.

"Pray tell."

Emily smiled, not looking away. "He's around."

"What has you two so happy, other than the fact you're having more drinks without me?" When that went unanswered, she turned to see what they were so focused on. She gasped. "Oh no he is _not!_"

"Oh yes, he is."

She pulled over another seat, sitting down beside JJ. "Excuse me while I get a ticket to the show."

* * *

Spencer pulled back, resting his forehead against the other man's, smiling. "Wow."

"Tell me about it, Pretty Boy."

He blushed slightly. "Thanks for the drinks."

"It was worth it to see you out on that dance floor."

He bit down on his lip. "They're going to catch on if I don't get back soon," he started, checking his watch. "Correction, they're definitely going to catch on, because I've been gone for over a half hour."

"Better late than never?" he suggested.

He smirked, playfully hitting his arm. "So, dinner at your place tomorrow night?"

"Sounds good to me." He kissed Spencer's forehead. "I'm sorry for ruining your, what was it, _ladies and gaydies night_?"

"Trust me, it's far from ruined. Though were the four drinks necessary?"

"I thought so. Besides, I thought you'd like the memory."

"Memory? Memory with sex on the bea-" he quickly reddened, hitting Derek's arm. "Never again!"

"Mentioning it, or giving you drinks reminding you of it?"

"Both." He leaned in, kissing him softly. "I should get going. Tomorrow?"

He nodded. "Tomorrow. Don't forget to take a few Tylenol for that hangover."

"As always."

* * *

JJ shifted in her seat. "Who _is_ that?"

Emily moved slightly. "I'm not sure. His head is still in the way."

Garcia scrunched up her face, thinking, before hitting her hand on the table repeatedly. "Oh my _God._ I thought nothing scandalous was _ever_ going to happen at the BAU."

JJ raised an eyebrow. "_What_ are you talking about?"

She pointed. "Look at Boy Wonder's make-out partner."

JJ moved over, smiling. "Em, you owe me twenty bucks."

"What? I only owe you twenty bucks if Derek and Reid start hooking u-" she raised an eyebrow, moving over. "…AND I owe you twenty bucks! It's about damn time."

"Indeed! Oh, I can't wait to get Boy Wonder back over here so we can pick his big ol' brain about this."

"If he can even talk after Derek sucking on his tongue."

* * *

Derek took his keys out of his pocket. "Do you need a ride somewhere? We could always go back to my place."

Spencer smiled, shaking his head. "If I do, I'll give you a call." He leaned over, kissing his cheek. "You know, for a 'tall gentleman' as described by the bartender, you're pretty good at keeping yourself hidden."

He shrugged slightly. "What can I say? I'm just that good." He kissed the top of Spencer's head. "Sure you don't want to cut out now?"

"I'm fine." He patted Derek's arm, watching as he left, before checking his watch again, exhaling. He looked back at the table and saw that they were no longer waiting there. He scanned the bar and saw them sitting at a table nearby. He stilled as he stepped up to the table.

"…How long have the three of you been standing there?"

Garcia smirked, twirling the straw in her drink. "Long enough."

He blushed, taking the seat beside JJ. "And by that you mean-"

"She means we saw you practically having your tongue sucked out of your mouth by Derek Morgan."

He groaned, cursing Derek for taking off on him and leaving him to take the heat.

Emily pulled out a seat. "Sit. Conversation time."

He looked around. "_Here_?"

JJ shrugged. "If you'd rather go back to Emily's-"

"Yes, please."

* * *

After they all got into a cab, they arrived at Emily's apartment. Spencer sat on the couch, tucking his legs underneath himself, smiling.

"What are you so happy about?" JJ asked.

Emily looked at her. "Are you_ kidding_? He's drunk and just had a half hour make-out session. Anybody would be in a good mood after that."

He smiled, blushing.

Emily walked out, setting four bowls of ice cream on the table. "Okay, Reid. Time to spill your guts." She sat beside him, grabbing her own bowl and eating.

"That depends on what you want to know?"

JJ held up her hand. "I have one. How long has this been happening?"

Spencer thought to himself, raising an eyebrow. "Hm. Now, when you say _this_, do you mean an actual relationship, or just sex?"

Garcia gasped. "Both!"

"Garcia!"

"What? We have honest, drunk, bubbly Spencer Reid. I'm going to take advantage."

He hummed while he thought. "We established a relationship just over five and a half years ago. We'd been having casual sex for about a year prior."

Emily looked at him. "So, what changed your minds?"

He exhaled, taking a bite of his own ice cream before swallowing. "Tobias Hankel." He shifted in his seat uncomfortably. "After he took me, Derek realized that I meant more to him than just casual sex every once in a while when we needed to get over the frustrations of work or life in general."

"When did he tell you this?"

"In the hospital." He smiled to himself. "I came to and Derek was waiting for me. Once I woke up, he sat down next to me, ran a hand through my hair, and told me that I was worth much more than sex. He wanted to show me just how much I mattered."

When they collectively 'aww'ed at him, he smirked.

"What about Jordan Todd? And Tamara Barnes, was it?"

He rolled his eyes. "Wishes that he had been insulted by her 'turning him down', and she was far too dependent on him. And Barnes? Oh, she _knows_ never to go near him again. I let him humor her with a few cups of coffee, because I get it, the girl was mourning, but the second she overstepped the boundaries and gave him a gift?" He wiped his hands in the air. "Done."

"And Austin?" JJ asked.

He rolled his eyes. "That was revenge. She made Derek perfectly jealous, and I never kissed her, despite what he likes to think."

Garcia bit her lip, smiling. "Is this sassy drunk Spencer, or jealous Spencer?"

He shook his head. "You're not going to see jealous Spencer. He's not pretty."

"I'll bet," Emily said, laughing softly.

"So, wait. Six and a half _years_ you two have been together, in a sense, and you've kept it a secret from the team for _this_ long? How did you do it?"

"Why, Jayje, are you jealous that we caught onto you and Will after a year?" Emily asked.

"It wasn't easy. There were a few stolen kisses in police stations and us not minding rooming together on cases, the fact that we're both extremely quiet when it comes to our private lives. Not to mention the obvious – we're both profilers. We know how our facial expressions would read, and manipulated them so nobody would be able to catch on."

"Very sneaky! Why didn't I think of that?"

JJ looked at her."Because you're a technical analyst, not a profiler?"

"Plus," Spencer started, "you couldn't have made your relationship more obvious from the get-go."

"I was shot!"

He held up his fingers, counting. "Kidnapped, drugged, and unwillingly participated in a game of Russian Roulette."

Emily pointed to Spencer. "Tough call, but he wins."

Garcia clicked her tongue. "So, wait, you _let_ me continue to flirt with your boyfriend after you two DTR'd?"

"We what?"

"Determined the relationship, sweetie."

He shrugged. "What can I say? I knew you weren't a threat to the relationship, and lord knows if I were to go to you and say 'Garcia, can you stop flirting with Derek?', your response would be 'why, are you dating him', I'd have given myself away, and we'd have a moment almost as awkward as tonight."

"Why's that?"

"Because as much as I may love you, Garcia, you _seriously_ lack the ability to keep your lips sealed, especially in situations that can be gossip-y."

"Hey!"

Emily giggled. "Oh, come on, he's so right. If he'd come to you and said 'hey, Garcia, Derek and I are dating'? You'd start planning their wedding."

"Ooh, wedding! Are there plans for a wedding?" she asked, quickly turning to Spencer.

"Considering the state of Virginia bans same-sex marriage? No. Though Derek has said 'the second they lift that dumbass ban, I'll meet you at the court house'. Not sure how much he meant that, but," he shrugged slightly, "it still meant a lot, nonetheless."

Garcia squealed. "Oh, you two are so _perfect!_"

* * *

Emily cleaned up the bowls, walking out to the kitchen. "What do you say, Reid? Want me to call Derek to come get you, or do you want to crash on the couch?"

"Don't think he's going to hear you, Em," Garcia said.

She raised an eyebrow. "He's Spencer Reid, he hears everything."

"Not that."

She walked out and looked on the couch, seeing Spencer curled up in a ball, fast asleep. She also noticed he was nuzzled against the back of the couch, his head buried in the cushion.

"Do you think he's used to cuddling with Derek?" JJ whispered.

"Oh, definitely."

Emily grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch, putting it over him. "Hey, Jayje, can you grab the bucket from the closet in my kitchen?"

"Why, do you think he's going to get sick?"

"Five sex on the beach drinks and most of my mint chocolate chip ice cream? _I_ want to be sick just thinking about it."

"Say no more." JJ got up, grabbing it from the closet and setting it down beside the couch. "Do you have the guest room set up?"

"Indeed."

Garcia grabbed JJ's hand. "Let's go, blondie. PJ party with PG."

Emily shook her head, setting a few Tylenol on the table with a water bottle, before walking to her own room.

* * *

Spencer woke up in the middle of the night, groaning. He looked around for the light switch, and immediately regretted turning it on. He saw a few Tylenol waiting on the table and was ready to hug whoever left it there for him. He popped them into his mouth, swallowing, before chugging half of the water bottle. Luckily, he was able to curl back up on the couch and fall asleep before his hangover hit him.

The next morning, JJ woke up to the sound of the bathroom door slamming. Remembering the events of the previous night, she kicked off the blankets, walking to the bathroom and knocking.

"Spence? Spence, it's just me, can I come in?"

When she was greeted by silence, she sighed, walking to the kitchen and grabbing a few water bottles. She knocked again. "Spence, I brought water."

"It's open," he mumbled.

She walked in, locking the door behind her and walked toward him, holding out a water bottle. "Sex on the beach and mint chocolate chip is a bad combo?"

He wiped off the corner of his mouth. "Extremely." He took the bottle, opening it and drinking. "_Five_. JJ, why did you let me drink _five_ of those monstrosities? My _hair_ hurts. I didn't think that was physically possible, and science says otherwise, but apparently it is."

She reached over, rubbing his back. "Want something to eat? There's this great diner a few streets over from here. You can have something extremely greasy and unhealthy."

His eyes widened. "Like a big greasy burger and some fries, even though it's 8 in the morning?"

"Oh yes."

He reached over, flushing. "Give me ten."

She smiled. "If it's just the two of us, one condition."

"I'm listening?"

"You have to invite Derek."

He groaned. "In that case, give me twenty."

As JJ was getting ready, Spencer took out his phone, calling Derek.

Derek grabbed his phone, smiling and answering it. "Hey there, Pretty Boy. Did you have a nice night?"

"Derek Morgan. I hate you."

"That's a little harsh."

He groaned, reaching down and tying his shoes. "I don't care. The hangover I woke up with this morning? I hate you. Not to mention that I had to spend half the night explaining our relationship to three very nosy co-workers."

"Damn."

"Yeah, damn is right." He pulled on his jacket, sighing. "JJ and I are going to a diner a few streets over from Emily's, and she's treating."

"That's nice of her-"

"_If_ you show up."

Derek checked his phone, thinking to himself. "I'll meet you there in a half hour. I'll give you a ride home after so you can avoid more awkward conversations."

"Thank you."

He smirked. "Anytime. So is it safe to say you're done drinking sex on the beaches?"

"_So_ done."

* * *

Spencer sat across from JJ, groaning and burying his head in his hands. "Can't we order without him? I'm hungover and I'm starving."

She looked at the clock on the wall. "We'll give him five minutes. If he's not here by then, I give you permission to get the greasiest possible thing on the menu." She checked her phone. "Mind if I make a quick call to Will?"

He shook his head. "Not at all."

She got up, walking to the hallway near the bathrooms, leaving Spencer alone in the booth.

Derek slipped in a minute later, leaning over and kissing his cheek. "Feeling okay this morning?"

He glared. "Derek Morgan, not only do you owe me for the events that happened last night leading to me explaining our entire relationship to our coworkers… but you owe me big time for this damn hangover."

"Is it that bad?"

"Have you ever vomited up alcoholic beverages combined with mint chocolate chip ice cream?"

Derek raised an eyebrow. "I can't say I have."

"When you do, then you can say I can't blame you."

He smirked, tilting Spencer's chin up and kissing him.

When Spencer heard a whistle, he sighed, pulling back. "Yes, JJ?"

"Oh, don't stop on my account," she started, sliding into the booth across from them. "Do feel free to continue."

He shook his head, sitting up straight and looking at the menu. "Definitely not."

JJ glanced over at Derek. "Is he always this easily embarrassed about you two?"

"_Always_. One time we were in the supermarket and I gave him a peck on the cheek – you'd swear, I pulled down his pants in front of the whole classroom while he was giving a speech."

She smiled. "Spence, I never thought of you as the embarrassed type."

"I'm not – I just don't want to get in any form of trouble with our superiors if I'm ever seen with Derek in public outside of a work situation."

"But that doesn't stop him from taking advantage of the situation when we're alone," Derek said, pulling down the collar of his shirt, showing several love bites.

Spencer scrunched up his face, elbowing Derek in the stomach. "Keep that up and anything between us will become a distant memory."

"Sorry, Pretty Boy." He kissed the top of his head, reaching over and grabbing a menu.

The waitress walked over, and before she could even speak, Spencer set down his menu, ready to order.

"I'll have a cheeseburger with bacon, cheese fries, and a large black coffee, as soon as possible."

JJ smiled. "Unlike Captain Hangover, I'll take an orange juice and pancakes… with bacon and scrambled eggs on the side."

Derek scanned the menu again.

"For the love of God, Derek, you had better pick something, or I'm going to hit you."

He laughed softly. "I'll just have the French toast and a coffee." He grabbed the menus, stacking them and handing them to her, before she walked away.

After getting their drinks, Spencer grabbed the sugar packets, pouring them into his cup, quickly stirring and drinking.

"Better?" JJ asked.

He nodded. "Now, out with it."

"Excuse me?"

He rolled his eyes, taking another sip. "I know you only wanted to have this outing so you could get information out of us based on the relationship, and offered to pay as incentive for it to actually happen. So, out with it."

She shook her head. "You're far too good at your job."

"I've heard that before."

She smiled, looking over at Derek. "So, how did this whole thing begin, and I mean the _whole_ thing. Not just the established relationship."

Derek eyed him. "You told her about hookups?"

"I was filled with several glasses of brutal honesty," Spencer defended, sipping his coffee.

Derek smirked, thinking back to that day. "It was shortly after the LDSK case with Dowd. He tossed the whistle back to me, and I knew there was more to Spencer Reid than meets the eye. I offered him a ride home after we finished the paperwork, I got him back to his apartment, and he invited me inside for a glass of wine to get over the case. One thing led to another, and one of us-"

"Derek," Spencer interrupted.

"-spilled his guts about how he felt."

Spencer pointed to Derek repeatedly, which made JJ smile.

"And I put it all out on the table, I leaned in, I kissed him, and I thanked whatever higher powers that may be when he didn't pull away. And what is it you say about that night, Spencer?" Derek asked, turning to him.

He blushed. "'I thank the deities that you took the hint and brought it back to the bedroom'."

JJ gripped her glass. "I like."

Spencer blushed even deeper, which had JJ rolling her eyes. "Would you rather it be Garcia?"

"Definitely not."

"So, after that night," she started, looking between the two, "how often?"

"JJ, that's personal!"

She raised an eyebrow. "Spence, you were _super_ nosy when the news of Will and I was finally out there. I deserve this."

Derek looked at him. "You, nosy?"

"Shut up and answer the question."

Derek thought, clicking his tongue. "It started as twice a month, then almost weekly, and right before the relationship was established, practically daily."

JJ whistled, raising an eyebrow. "Didn't know you had it in you, Spence."

He shook his head. "None of your business. Besides, I definitely didn't mind the cuddling afterward and waking up in someone else's arms. It beats waking up alone."

"Indeed. So, Derek, what changed with Hankel?"

"JJ, I already told you this!"

"I want it from his perspective."

Derek leaned back, wrapping an arm around Spencer. "Well, we all saw how well I was taking it when Spencer was taken by him."

Spencer raised an eyebrow. "_No_?"

"It wasn't pretty, Spence. He wanted blood. I think he said he wanted Hankel's head on a stick?"

Derek nodded. "I would've done it, if I was given the opportunity. I was watching him take that beating on the screen, and it dawned on me that he mattered to me more than just sex. I was ready to jump through the screen when I saw him playing Russian Roulette, and I was hoping that he'd make it through so I could tell him just how much he meant."

JJ's face lit up. "This might just be the greatest love story."

"Except, of course, for the fact that I temporarily died?" Spencer asked, finishing his coffee and waving the waitress over for another.

"Well, yeah." She glanced at Derek. "Continue."

"I offered to ride along in the ambulance with him, and sat in his room, waiting for him to wake up. When he finally did, I talked to him. I sat next to him, I ran my fingers through his hair, asked him how he was feeling. He told me what happened with the narcotics and everything with Hankel, and I gave him a shoulder to cry on after it all came to him how stressful the situation really was. He really needed the release before I was going to say anything to him."

JJ eyed him. "You left that part out, Spence."

He shrugged. "I don't think an emotional breakdown of sorts was a good thing to mention after such an entertaining night."

Derek ran a hand through Spencer's hair. "Then I told him, in great detail, how much he meant to me. His response? 'Sounds great, so are we dating?'"

"In my defense, I was pretty out of it, and Derek had to remind me of everything that happened after I got a good night's sleep in the hospital."

She pointed between them, waving her finger. "Are you two living together, or-"

"We are," Spencer said. "Though I still have my apartment. Derek refers to it as his 'fixer-upper'."

"Several years in a relationship, living together," JJ started, cutting into her pancakes, "and what's this I hear about marriage?"

Derek turned to Spencer as he was practically inhaling his fries. "You told her that?"

"You know I'm very honest when I'm intoxicated, and _you_ put alcohol in my system. You practically told me to tell them everything I possibly could." He reached past Derek, grabbing the ketchup and putting it onto his burger.

Derek shook his head. "Yes, it's been a question, but no, it's not going to happen until the ban's lifted. I did promise him that when the ban is gone, I'd meet him at the court house first thing."

"And did you mean it?"

He took a bite of his French toast. "Every word."

* * *

Spencer pushed his plate away from him. "Tell me how I feel worse than I already did?"

JJ smirked. "Because you didn't breathe while inhaling your food?"

He sighed, running a hand over his face. "I swear to God, Derek Morgan, if we are called on a case and I have to fly like this, I won't run to the bathroom. I will _actually_ vomit on you. And I'm not cleaning it up, either."

JJ signed the receipt, handing it to the waitress. "I expect an update on this, Derek."

"I'm sure you'll get it." He slid out of the booth, holding his hand out to Spencer.

Spencer glared at him, taking his hand and pulling himself up.

JJ got out, patting Spencer's arm. "I won't tell either of them what happened here."

"And for that, I thank you."

* * *

Derek dropped JJ off back at Emily's apartment, before driving to his and Spencer's. He parked and turned to Spencer, who had fallen asleep in the passenger seat. Shaking his head, he walked around, opening Spencer's door and picking him up. After getting into the apartment, he walked to the bedroom, setting Spencer on the bed and pulling the blankets over him.

"Derek?" Spencer mumbled.

"Yeah, Pretty Boy?" he asked, lying down beside him, wrapping an arm around him.

He groaned softly. "I am _never_ going to another ladies night with our co-workers ever again."

He laughed softly. "If you say so."


End file.
